You're so nebulous sometimes
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
