I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Randomize
