I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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