My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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