Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
