When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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