This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You know, be my cock's hype man.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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