she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Of course I have a pirate flag
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
