i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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