I heard we made out
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
