just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
