I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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