it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
