I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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