apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
