Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
