I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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