He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
