I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
