listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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