from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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