Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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