Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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