So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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