wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
