Your face is a jimmy john
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
