There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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