explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
