she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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