I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
