he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
