dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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