i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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