did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
