Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
