Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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