Is it because I queefed?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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