i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
