i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
