That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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