I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Well I just put wine in my tea
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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