You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
