I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
