the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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