My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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