There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
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