your room smells of hookers.
And success
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
