For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
