I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
