You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
